That’s My Boy – 2013
Directed by Sean Anders
Starring Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Leighton Meester, Susan Sarandon, Ciara, Luenell, Vanilla Ice, Milo Ventimiglia, Eva Amurri Martino, Nick Swardson
Written by David Caspe
The following is about the worst review I could imagine ever posting. It’s beneath the dignity of anyone who might ever want to read about a movie they were thinking of watching. A messaging conversation taking place on Facebook between CPE and The Grouchnapper, one gets all the highlights from any IM conversation. One side (CPE) is a much faster typist than the other (The Grouchnapper, in his first review performance). The latter had seen the film the previous night, and rather than do a simultaneous viewing from a couple hundred miles away, he decided to do random things and just respond when he felt like it. We put off posting this for a long time, as CPE tried to co-ordinate a time to “touch up” the rough notes into something worthy. Grouchnapper, ever the tired one, kept putting it off.
“It’s fine the way it is,” my lazy friend said.
When I thought about it a few months later, it seemed obvious that Grouchnapper was right. It’s an Adam Sandler film. Why put more into it than he did?
October 17, 2012
1:08pm
Cool Papa E
So will I miss anything if I listen to LeBatard while watching TMB?
1:11pm
Grouchnapper
Just the famous Denver omelettes at the strip club w/ the Aretha Franklin-ish pole dancer.
1:13pm
Cool Papa E
Latter day Aretha?
1:14pm
Grouchnapper
Yup…with pasties no less.
1:19pm
Cool Papa E
Is anybody ready for that?
1:23pm
Grouchnapper
Only if you are blind. Or Adam Sandler.
1:23pm
Cool Papa E
I am liking the soundtrack.
And Susan Sarandon’s daughter…
1:24pm
Grouchnapper
r U watching right now? You have to devote the time to it. No distractions. 80’s hard rock. sweet.
1:25pm
Cool Papa E
Doin it. Start writing…free style!
1:26pm
Grouchnapper
I gotta clean up poo in the bathroom. Thanks Em.
1:26pm
Cool Papa E
Champale!
Summer home, what a dick!
1:29pm
Grouchnapper
It’s comic gold!!
1:35pm
Cool Papa E
Dan Patrick in a wig!
Milo, the Rocky Balboa heroes kid, doing the tough military douche!
Adam Sandler with an accent is topped only by Sandler in a wig.
1:39pm
Grouchnapper
I knew you might appreciate DP…Milo from Gilmore Girls sleeps w/ his sister later on. Uggh.
1:42pm
Cool Papa E
Awesome.
Insulin after losing weight? Maybe I don’t know that much about diabetes.
Wassup? Again?
1:48pm
Grouchnapper
This film is rife w/ pointers…I like to count the number of times Sandler cracks open a another cold one out of his garbage bag.
1:49pm
Cool Papa E
All the stories of sex with teachers…I don’t think I ever had a teacher that looked half way appealing.
1:50pm
Grouchnapper
Naganawa was prime. I didn’t have the peaches to do anything.
1:50pm
Cool Papa E
You kidding me? She was a gouch, and looked 40.
Round and round, for the baseball segment…nice. And the boobs catch.
1:51pm
Grouchnapper
Nice…she called me Manatee. Go figure.
I hope you are writing this down.
1:52pm
Cool Papa E
Actually, I will consider this the review.
Let’s roll.
This film could only have been better if Ian Ziering had played Donnie for reals.
Nick Swardson…has he ever made anyone laugh?
1:56pm
Grouchnapper
Yes…in “Grandma’s Boy”. That needs a review also.
1:57pm
Cool Papa E
Well, there’s your next job.
I still haven’t been moved to anything but revulsion.
1:58pm
Grouchnapper
Isn’t it great? How many stars?
1:59pm
Cool Papa E
Never have seen it. Once I caught wind of his other crap, I moved to another section of the field where the wind would not follow.
What is worse, Sandler going for it to a picture of an old hag, or just seeing him simulate going for it. At least we have Samberg having to clean up.
2:03pm
Grouchnapper
How many walnuts on this one if you rated it?
2:03pm
Cool Papa E
Too early…I feel like never drinking Budweiser again, though.
2:04pm
Grouchnapper
It gets better…in a bad way.
2:05pm
Cool Papa E
There are moments here where the smile begins to crack the facade.
James Caan in the Price is Right Fight.
2:08pm
Grouchnapper
“He’s ripped for an old guy.”
2:10pm
Cool Papa E
I like the bottle routine, subtlety worked into a film like this…imagine.
2:21pm
Cool Papa E
Milo’s KO of Swardson was worthwhile.
Vanilla Ice works for Todd Bridges.
It’s a nice touch to have Vanilla Ice and Bridges mocking the addictions that nearly killed them. Sandler has a special spot in hell if they regress.
2:27pm
Grouchnapper
Like I said…Sandler needs more money for his meatball parm fix. Gotta go…talk to you later.
2:27pm
Cool Papa E
No!!!
Not done!
Picking up em?
2:28pm
Grouchnapper
Chores around the house from the chief…then off to work.
2:28pm
Cool Papa E
Follow up tonight?
To round out the review?
I will write comments and you just respond.
Ride you like a model T? Who writes this crap?
Then there is the wedding dress…Todd just fucked a dress…it’s under control.
He cooks and cleans? The Asian housekeepers are delighted.
Sarandon…wow.
With Hulk Hogan T Shirt
The tazer and the damge done.
You must love that Sandler is as big a fan of Rush as you are.
The Replacements?
2:51pm
Cool Papa E
Is it possible for Samburg to comb his hair?
You do not deserve these treats…
Secret tickle time?
Rex Ryan: We’ve all been there…
3:04pm
Cool Papa E
At least they did not get to the point where if anyone has an objection…
Nice dumb guy speech about love.
And Vanilla Ice’s disapproving look…
Jazz hands!
And the fat guy wins it in the last second!
October 18, 2012
2:04pm
Cool Papa E
Uh…hullo? Pretend the movie is about politics…
2:06pm
Grouchnapper
It will be ready by tonight after work…so you’ll get off my back. Grouch.
2:07pm
Cool Papa E
Here comes the Grouch-napper!
November 4, 2012
11:11am
Cool Papa E
After your wife lets you stop working. Also, am I waiting for the Sandler review still, or is this a dream?
Coriolanus (**1/2): Shakespeare works best in its original Klingon
coolpapae.com
Coriolanus – 2012 Director Ralph Fiennes Starring Fiennes, Gerard Butler, Vanessa Redgrave, Brian Cox, Jessica Chastain, Paul Jesson, John Kani Screenplay John Logan based on the play by Will…
11:13am
Grouchnapper
We’ve reviewed the Sandler film already by our comments. It’s old news now.
11:15am
Cool Papa E
It looks like a one way convo, with you ending it with “It will be ready by tonight after work…so you’ll get off my back. Grouch.”
I want my two dollars.
11:17am
Grouchnapper
Check or cash? I was considering watching Corioanus last night….from your review, I’m glad I chose The Campaign instead.
Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews 
Leave a comment