The Five-Year Engagement is a little long, but it’s alright

The Five-Year Engagement – 2012

Director Nicholas Stoller
Starring Emily Blunt, Jason Segel, Chris Pratt, Alison Brie, Rhys Ifans, Mindy Kaling
Screenplay Stoller and Segel

Statements:

• The questions are meant to be read while watching the film.
• One really should watch this film.

Questions:

• Why is it that obscure Van Morrison songs show up in hip romantic comedies?
• Has anyone ever actually heard his song “Sweet Thing” at a new year’s party, even in the early ’70’s?
• Has anyone ever had an engagement party where everyone got up and spoke about the couple?
• Does being a romantic leading man require one to have a goofy sidekick with “quite the reputation.”
• Does every romantic leading lady have a stuffy sidekick who will end up with the goofy sidekick?
• How many weddings have taken place on 9/11 since 2001?
• Who can afford to get live in San Francisco on $18.50 an hour?
• Who can afford to get married in San Francisco, period?
• Who taught the slob to be such a great romantic singer?
• Does every college professor have to be a douche bag?
• Why isn’t Mindy Kaling in every romantic comedy?
• Have you seen the movie Ratatouille?
• Must everyone jump in the snow?
• In a lesser movie, would they actually make snow angels?
• What percentage of clichés do we avoid by watching movies involving Judd Apatow and his friends?
• What percentage of the female students at the University of Michigan are named Ashley?
• What percentage of the men are named Zach?
• Can one get fresh clams anywhere in Michigan?
• Do the Great Lakes have clams?
• What is the earliest acceptable time to drink beer while bow hunting?
• Has there ever been a female romantic lead shot with a cross-bow?
• Are there really such things as wedding delayed cards?
• What did Ming do to Vaneetha?
• Is Vaneetha’s “friend” a girl or a boy?
• Why do bakers get up so early for work?
• How could one kiss someone with a lamb chop moustache?
• Is it possible to eat one’s own vomit?
• Is that what “I don’t read Korean” looks like?
• Is “He was drunk” ever an acceptable excuse?
• Does the question, “Is this gonna happen?” ever work in bed?
• Can men really fake it, too?
• Does the phrase “I’m an alcoholic” really merit applause at a rehearsal dinner?

Statement:

• Either way, it really works as a speech ender.

Questions:

• Has anyone ever wanted to do it in the presence of food?
• Does Segel have it written in his contract that he must do more nudity with each successive non-Muppet film?
• What does a college student live on if their roommate moves out?
• Oh, wait, I forgot that the college professor was a douche.
• Is it possible to sleep in that position?
• Does having a missing toe really affect one’s balance?
• Who wouldn’t hug a guy whose been all over the world having tacos?
• Is North Dakota really the worst place on earth, or just North America?
• Is there anything Mindy Kaling can’t make funny?
• Is it too much to NOT have the douche bag professor spill the beans?
• Is saying “Jesus, Dad” blasphemy if your parents are Jewish?
• How does one reconstruct the vagina?
• Is there something meaner to say than you feel like you are going to die when your bf is in the missionary with you?
• Was there a more handsome pop duo than Wham, in the “Everything She Wants” era?
• Is there such a thing as “a right cookie?”
• Do you remember the day we first met?
• Do you think you could spare the time to get some Van Morrison for your iPod?
• How is it everyone someone met in the space of one movie can attend a meeting in San Francisco at the drop of a hat, even if they make no money?
• Could this film be any longer?
• Do you think Emily Blunt and Jason Segel are dreamy?

Statement:

• Me neither.  But they are pretty funny.

(***1/2 out *****)