The Five-Year Engagement is a little long, but it’s alright

The Five-Year Engagement – 2012

Director Nicholas Stoller
Starring Emily Blunt, Jason Segel, Chris Pratt, Alison Brie, Rhys Ifans, Mindy Kaling
Screenplay Stoller and Segel

Statements:

  • The questions are meant to be read while watching the film.
  • One really should watch this film.

Questions:

  • Why is it that obscure Van Morrison songs show up in hip romantic comedies?
  • Has anyone ever actually heard his song “Sweet Thing” at a new year’s party, even in the early ’70’s?
  • Has anyone ever had an engagement party where everyone got up and spoke about the couple?
  • Does being a romantic leading man require one to have a goofy sidekick with “quite the reputation.”
  • Does every romantic leading lady have a stuffy sidekick who will end up with the goofy sidekick?
  • How many weddings have taken place on 9/11 since 2001?
  • Who can afford to get live in San Francisco on $18.50 an hour?
  • Who can afford to get married in San Francisco, period?
  • Who taught the slob to be such a great romantic singer?
  • Does every college professor have to be a douche bag?
  • Why isn’t Mindy Kaling in every romantic comedy?
  • Have you seen the movie Ratatouille?
  • Must everyone jump in the snow?
  • In a lesser movie, would they actually make snow angels?
  • What percentage of clichés do we avoid by watching movies involving Judd Apatow and his friends?
  • What percentage of the female students at the University of Michigan are named Ashley?
  • What percentage of the men are named Zach?
  • Can one get fresh clams anywhere in Michigan?
  • Do the Great Lakes have clams?
  • What is the earliest acceptable time to drink beer while bow hunting?
  • Has there ever been a female romantic lead shot with a cross-bow?
  • Are there really such things as wedding delayed cards?
  • What did Ming do to Vaneetha?
  • Is Vaneetha’s “friend” a girl or a boy?
  • Why do bakers get up so early for work?
  • How could one kiss someone with a lamb chop moustache?
  • Is it possible to eat one’s own vomit?
  • Is that what “I don’t read Korean” looks like?
  • Is “He was drunk” ever an acceptable excuse?
  • Does the question, “Is this gonna happen?” ever work in bed?
  • Can men really fake it, too?
  • Does the phrase “I’m an alcoholic” really merit applause at a rehearsal dinner?

Statement:

  • Either way, it really works as a speech ender.

Questions:

  • Has anyone ever wanted to do it in the presence of food?
  • Does Segel have it written in his contract that he must do more nudity with each successive non-Muppet film?
  • What does a college student live on if their roommate moves out?
  • Oh, wait, I forgot that the college professor was a douche.
  • Is it possible to sleep in that position?
  • Does having a missing toe really affect one’s balance?
  • Who wouldn’t hug a guy whose been all over the world having tacos?
  • Is North Dakota really the worst place on earth, or just North America?
  • Is there anything Mindy Kaling can’t make funny?
  • Is it too much to NOT have the douche bag professor spill the beans?
  • Is saying “Jesus, Dad” blasphemy if your parents are Jewish?
  • How does one reconstruct the vagina?
  • Is there something meaner to say than you feel like you are going to die when your bf is in the missionary with you?
  • Was there a more handsome pop duo than Wham, in the “Everything She Wants” era?
  • Is there such a thing as “a right cookie?”
  • Do you remember the day we first met?
  • Do you think you could spare the time to get some Van Morrison for your iPod?
  • How is it everyone someone met in the space of one movie can attend a meeting in San Francisco at the drop of a hat, even if they make no money?
  • Could this film be any longer?
  • Do you think Emily Blunt and Jason Segel are dreamy?

Statement:

  • Me neither.  But they are pretty funny.

(***1/2 out *****)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s