The Devil Inside – 2012
Directed by William Brent Bell
Starring Fernanda Andrade, Simon Quarterman, Evan Helmuth, Suzan Crowley
Written by Bell & Matthew Peterman
I think I am done with the exorcism thing. I also think I am done with the “found footage” thing. I’m sure that I have had it with “The Catholic Church is secretive” routine. This movie has plenty of each of these things, and less…
I have gone to some good and many horrible movies with my friend Binage. Together, we watched Christopher Walken do not so much in The Prophecy, made in those middle years, after the boat trip with Natalie Wood and before SNL and Weapon of Choice made him the king of creepy cool. We saw The Warlock, in which Julian Sands saw his career go from Merchant Ivory hunk to Stargate junk. We were pleasantly suprised when we saw a very young and very pretty Katherine Heigl in Bride of Chucky, and equally disappointed with Seed of Chucky, though we loved the title. We were knocked out visually by The Matrix. We wished that we had taken something to keep notes to figure out the ending to The Matrix Reloaded. Nothing could have helped us through …Revolutions. The worst of these films, until now, was AvP: Requiem. Complete and utter trash, it almost killed two franchises, were it not for the delightful Predators and the upcoming opus Prometheus.
Shortly after this affront to our sense of cinematic direction, Binage brought one of his friends into our circle of purposeful misery. Doug is a perfect bookend for our movie watching experience. He is as uncritical as I am critical. Binage, of course, falls somewhere between. When at the end of one of our movie watching experiences, I am never at a loss for words. Doug usually nods right along, and at times he will expound, but only slightly. He is one of the most agreeable folks I have ever met. Binage, conversely, can agree or not. He will speak a response to my evaluation, but he has his own ideas. I am pretty sure he has never read one of my reviews.
Tonight, we were all in agreement, and there was not much to say. One thing we all said:
“The ending sucked.”
Even if they had pulled a miracle out of the toukus of this carcass, it still would have sucked exponentially. It’s 87 minutes with credits. Filled with shots framed as if it were a documentary, and plenty of other shots that are inexplicably not even close. The acting is soap opera bad. The script, filled with caution to the wind kinds of inconsistencies. Then there are the all too common exorcism shots: bending backwards, shouting commands for God, speaking in tongues with multiple voices, pressing religious articles on foreheads and denials from the Catholic church. With all the possibilities that God and the Devil could have in their eternal war, one might think some one, any one could come up with a few different ideas about possession.
Did these people care if they made a good film? It was all made without the help of a major studio, but Paramount sure grabbed onto it the moment it was finished. It feels like they may have adjusted the ending a tad. Word is that they want another Paranormal Activity franchise, or worse, an advertisement for a website. That’s aiming high.
The important thing is, after driving through the night in the snow to get there, Binage, Doug and I survived the experience, friendship in tact. We are going to make it to The Avengers, and then we all might try an opening night showing of Prometheus. And we will see a variety of horrible films before and after. But none so horrible as this. The sun will come out, the snow will melt. This movie will suck through all eternity.
(0 out of *****)