Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews

Hit and Run – 2012

Written and Directed by Dax Shepard (also directed by David Palmer)
Starring Dax Shepard, Kristen Bell, Kristin Chenoweth, Bradley Cooper, Tom Arnold

• No one should have to see a tattoo to start a movie, especially a really bad one.
• Why would Veronica Mars even let Dax Shepard touch her?
• Who would ever dare give Tom Arnold a gun, even a fake one?
• Who thinks that their movie needs Tom Arnold in it?  Isn’t Roseanne retired?
• So Dax Shepard is a very literate ex-criminal?  I guess I can buy that one.
• I would love to be interviewed by Kristin Chenoweth.
• I would love to hear Kristin Chenoweth talk, sing, cough, laugh, snort, etc…
• Charles Bronson is a great name for someone in the Witness Protection Program.
• I think Charles Bronson’s car is obnoxious and tits.  Perfect for a douche bag.
• So he built it with his Dad…
• The Pouncer app sounds repulsive.  Not a great ad for gay living.  Oh wait, it’s a movie.
• Dax Shepard was lucky enough to score Bradley Cooper on the way up.
• With that hair, maybe he’s on the way down.
• “Fags” is back to being a bundle of sticks.  For real.
• I guess one reason to have Tom Arnold along is that he is more than happy to do anything.  Anything at all.  No pride.
• The is a road trip film.  After a half hour they are still in town.
• It’s okay to do the white girl / black girl thing, especially if you are not a white guy.
• Teaching a lesson about dog food doesn’t often involve gunplay and dragging a man in a tank top…unless you’re crazy.
• Even if he is wearing the tank top ironically.
• So, you’re into conflict resolution and you call the people attracted to a car a rapist?
• Such philosophical wisdom from someone with bad hair and an inability to find a razor…
• Do swingers always have to be old and fat?
• So much stress for a guy who is such a free spirit.  Seems more like an actor living in L.A.
• A gay county Sheriff can be good fun, but it seems like it will be fun for Tom Arnold.
• Loving someone would not stop me from determining who they were or what kind of crime he plea bargained out of.
• A good Mambo Kings song makes any situation involving blood something fun.
• Of course we have to see the swingers again, because it’s not enough to beat a dead horse just once.
• That whole speech about the keyless entry is pretty sweet.
• Who’s the guy in the suit?
• The argument with Bell in the car during the car chase seems like it evolved from a therapist’s couch, in Hollywood.
• They always hit the side mirror.
• Tom Arnold must suffer, and look stupid doing so.
• Pedophile = KKK = Bank Robber?  Only in a script.
• “If you forgot, just ask your previous shirt…”  Good line.
• So, what does one expect when they hear they have to be somewhere by 4pm?
• Talking about gay rape kind of supersedes whether it was racist to wonder who did it.
• “I think of all Asians as women…” and that doesn’t get a racist flag?
• So much quibbling…only West Coast living.
• This film needs more Beau Bridges, less Tom Arnold.
• Beau Bridges out digging or out fighting anyone?  Only because it’s in a bad script.
• I haven’t seen a dune buggy chase since, well, ever.
• It was nice to see Arnold hit something with the revolver.
• No resolution talk should have political correctness as the primary focus.
• Nice cameo by for the Federales.
• I am tired of the political correctness of this script.
• No fair using Pete Townshend to end the movie, a-holes.

(**1/2 out of *****)