Amazon’s The Tomorrow War (**1/2) stuck in reverse
If you make it through the agonizing first hour, you’ll have something on between The Thing and Starship Troopers.
Voyagers (**1/2) Lord of the skies
If you ever wanted to see Lord of the Flies in space, then Voyagers is for you.
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (**1/2) diminishing returns
It’s doubtful anyone will dislike this entry, beyond the afore-mentioned lack of lighting, but it’s also no sure bet that it will be nearly revisited as the first two films. Subtract half of a point for sadly wasting John Noble.
Phoning it Long Distance: Bruce Willis’ VOD / Redbox Era
The older he gets, the more it feels like he gave up trying long ago. If this slate of films is considered art of any kind, then I don’t know crap about film. I only know these films qualify as crap.
The Woman in the Window (**1/2) wears its influence out
There is next to no thrill the viewer gets from seeing Adams huff her way through the scenes, wondering if she’s imagining things or if her life is even worth living.
Willy’s Wonderland (**1/2) – One night at Nic’s
Will you enjoy this film? Probably as much as one enjoys the aforementioned Banana Splits, maybe more if you like Nic Cage as a brooding mute who likes kicking ass and playing pinball.
Criminal (**1/2) Good, but sometimes horrible
It’s not often one goes to a Gary Oldman film and ends up preferring anyone else’s performance.
Charley Varrick (**1/2) A simpler, more horrible time
Matthau’s line about this is better than any line in the film “I have seen it three times, and am of slightly better than average intelligence but I still don’t quite understand what’s going on. Is there a device we can use to explain to people what they’re seeing?”
3 Questionable Choices: Velocipastor, Porno and Jiu Jitsu
Two films that you might watch if you have nothing else to do and expect to live long enough to even out the waste of time. And Jiu Jitsu.
Criterion: Theatre of Blood (**1/2) Burning down the house
This film is one of the better Price performances. If you want to see him for what made him famous enough to be on Thriller, start with this.
Criterion: Sisters (**1/2) doing it for themselves
What it lacks is a compelling 2nd or even 3rd act to tie the buildup together with a satisfying conclusion.
The New Mutants (**1/2) is an old film by now
As the film fades from memory, The New Mutants will be remembered as not much more than a footnote for a franchise that flew atop of the cinematic world for a brief time.
Criterion: Further downstream of The Virgin Spring to The Last House on the Left
…it’s remarkable how far a medieval ballad can reach through time, even if what comes out on the other side holds little resemblance to the significance of the tale.
The Jesus Rolls (**1/2) to nowhere
…the movie just serves to let us know Turturro connects one of his most famous characters to his love of an aimless French film.
Another Look: Casino (**1/2) is a stale imitation
It’s one of the fruits of the labor of a great career that he’s been able to keep remaking the same film over and over. This doesn’t make the stale fruit taste any better.
Netflix The Wrong Missy (**1/2) isn’t horrible
This movie should suck, but it doesn’t.
