Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews

Director James Nunn
Screenplay Nick Saltrese
Starring Holly Earl, Catherine Hannay, Thomas Flynn, Jack Trueman, Malachi Pullar-Latchman

There’s nothing quite so satisfying as seeing a bunch of dumb spring breakers getting what they deserve. In this case Nat (Earl) and her less scrupulous friends are on the last day of their vaction, with a plane trip back to Kansas that night. Two of the more idiotic friends decide to break into the local rental hut and abscond with two of the jet skis. They all decide to ride together two on one, three on another. Soon enough, after driving like they stole them for a while, they try the inevitable game of chicken. Everyone loses.

What follows is a somewhat logical process of elimination. That the two jet skis are not searched for seems more a function of the plot, as the ever dwindling list of survivors struggle to stay afloat of one of the damaged floating devices while it slowly drifts out to sea.

There is only one obvious survivor. From the moment we see her, Nat is the final girl, right down to being cheated on by two of the other stragglers. The film doesn’t waste time, plucking off a few of the survivors and waiting for the rest to either die of thirst or a nibble here and a chunk there. hey try to start the boat, comically. They’re idiots with no real idea how to fix anything, especially with a hangover.

But hey, as she says, “Kansas girls go down fighting.”

It’s not like a movie with the title Shark Bait will feature a large contingent of survivors. There are some nice, gruesome and sometimes drawn out deaths. Everyone I thought deserved it sure got a double decker dose of teeth.

If you ever wanted to see a more scenic and less intelligent version of Jaws, here ya go.

In the end though, everyone knows there is only one real acceptable version of Shark Bait.

(*1/2 out of *****)