Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews

Writers and Directors Johannes Roberts, Vanessa & Joseph Winter, Maggie Levin, Tyler MacIntyre, Flying Lotus
Starring Verona Blue, Dashiell Derrickson, Tybe Diskin, Jackson Kelly, Ally Ioannides, Isabelle Hahn, Brittany Gandy, Logan Riley, Steven Ogg, Amelia Ann, Sonya Eddy, Luke Mullen, Emily Sweet, Tyler Lofton, Duncan Anderson, Ethan Pogue, Joseph Winter, Archelaus Cristano, Melanie Stone

There is a time when movies in the V/H/S series were precursors of the future of cinema. The first two in the series had work by Adam Wingard and Ti West, among others. By the time the 5th film in the franchise came about, the viewer has every right to feel like they might get something good, if altogether uneven. In the particular case of V/H/S/99, the film is consistently bad.

Not one of these stories, nor it’s overarching theme resonantes even partially as either scary or imaginative. In fact, it’s exactly the kind of work one might expect if they were making a film during Jr. High in the back yard.

The stories are all derivative of things done better before. Shredding shows a bunch of kids breaking into an underground concert venue that is the place of a tragedy that took the lives of the band a few years before. Suicide Bid is a hazing ritual gone awry. Ozzy’s Dungeon is a game show that could only take place in the world where Running Man is a real thing. The Gawkers is a modern day telling of a Greek myth in the lamest way possible. To Hell and Back imagines a hell that takes just a very tame Road Warrior motif, and a feral girl to make their way back.

If one finds any of these segments more scary than annoying, they’ve got a lot of patience and not much in the way of expectations when it comes to story telling. It’s not easy to envision the future of film making in this crowd.

(*1/2 out of *****)