The Amityville Horror theatrical films reviewed
Is this series worthwhile or is it just one big Golden Sombrero?
Netflix There’s Someone Inside Your House (*) not worth noticing
For anyone who wondered why there haven’t been any ABC After School Specials featuring murder, I present this film.
The Forever Purge (*) Why can’t we purge together?
Perhaps if they were part of the more concise and tense ridden television series, and the story was given more time to breathe more than simplistic leftist platitudes into the story, we would have something to pomder aside from how Blumhouse can keep making money off of such a weak material.
Phoning it Long Distance: Bruce Willis’ VOD / Redbox Era
The older he gets, the more it feels like he gave up trying long ago. If this slate of films is considered art of any kind, then I don’t know crap about film. I only know these films qualify as crap.
Criterion: The Driller Killer (*) is no one you want to know
Absent the reputation this film has acquired, there is little reason for one to watch this film. I may stumble into Bad Lieutenant someday and think, perhaps I misunderstood all along. I won’t hold my breath while I wait to find out.
Criterion: The Long Weekend (*) – Preoccupation Blues
By the time we get to the last act, we are tired of the couple and find sympathy for anything that crosses their path, especially their dog
Criterion: Deathdream (*) Should have stayed dead
This is a film for no one. Save your time by staring at the wall. It will feel less awkward than 95% of the dialogue of this film.
Criterion: It’s Alive (*) and it’s bad
Rosemary’s Baby and The Exorcist naturally lead to stuff like this crawling around in the sewer of entertainment. Having Warner produce just brings a nicer sheen to the turd.
Antebellum (*) blunders its opportunity
Take it as a warning. This film robs of the senses you should have and replaces them with garbage.
Criterion: Season of the Witch (*) – Mom’s a hungry wife
This film is painful, even if the idea could have been a decent film in the hands of someone with any skill writing, directing or even editing.
3 Turns of the Screw: The Nightcomers, The Turning and Netflix’ The Haunting of Bly Manor
Of the three James’ inspired works, The Haunting of Bly Manor is the one that is truly inspired, even if it’s not as scary as we’d hope.
Criterion: Daughters of Darkness (*) doesn’t see the light of day
One can understand why Criterion would show these films during the month of October. They do at least have historical value as a representation of how the X-Rating pushed mainstream films to a new level of what it conceived as eroticism. Still the time period represents a low period of cinematic achievement, even if its darkness gave way to the dawn of a wonderful new world of film.
Criterion: The Vampire Lovers (*) You must take it all off, dear…
If there is good Hammer horror, I haven’t seen it yet.
Criterion: Trog (*) Not so wild thing
This movie knows it’s trash. It’s still trash. Except for Crawford, on both counts.
Criterion: Further downstream of The Virgin Spring to The Last House on the Left
…it’s remarkable how far a medieval ballad can reach through time, even if what comes out on the other side holds little resemblance to the significance of the tale.
Guns Akimbo (*) is SJW disguised as comedy
For me, I will stick with Running Man. It’s dumb too. Just not as preachy. And I will hold out for filmmakers who are actually bold, and not just gross and silly.
Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews 