Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews

Category: 2 Stars

  • Sabotage (**): Well, so much for the winning streak

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    Sabotage  – 2014 Director David Ayer Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sam Worthington, Olivia Williams, Terrence Howard, Joe Manganiello, Harold Perrineau, Martin Donovan, Max Martini, Josh Holloway, Mireille Enos Screenplay Skip Woods and Ayer David Ayer was on his way to a good thing. He wrote Training Day, Dark Blue, The Fast and the Furious, U-571 and most…

  • Grudge Match is as tired as it seems

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , , ,

    Grudge Match – 2013 Director Peter Segal Starring Robert De Niro, Sylvester Stallone, Kevin Hart, Alan Arkin, Kim Basinger, Jon Bernthal Screenplay Tim Kelleher, Rodney Rothman It’s been so long since Stallone has been in a film that seemed unguarded of actor’s egos, one has difficulty picturing him going through the editing process with each of the actors, saying, “Do you think…

  • Drinking Buddies or why I tend to hate independent films

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    Drinking Buddies – 2014 Writer and Director Joe Swanberg Starring Olivia Wilde, Jake Johnson, Anna Kendrick, Ron Livingston 1) They call it a comedy.  There are no laughs at the screen, and only booze induced laughs coming from the screen. 2) Most characters are the most boring people you would ever want to meet. 3) Movie spends way too much…

  • Homefront – Statham gets the “benefit” of Stallone’s experience

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    Homefront – 2013 Director Gary Fleder Starring Jason Statham, James Franco, Winona Ryder, Kate Bosworth, Rachelle Lefevre, Frank Grillo, Clancy Brown, Izabela Vidovic Screenplay Sylvester Stallone based on Homefront by Chuck Logan Stallone’s film formula has been the equal to “he punched me first” for as long as I can remember.  Statham has been doing the same stuff since he stopped working with Guy Ritchie.  It was only…

  • Out of the Furnace The fire’s gone

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , , ,

    Out of the Furnace – 2013 Director Scott Cooper Starring Christian Bale, Woody Harrelson, Casey Affleck, Forest Whitaker, Willem Dafoe, Zoe Saldana, Sam Shepard Screenplay Brad Ingelsby and Cooper “He might be safer over in Iraq” It’s hard to recall the last movie that featured common folk in Steel Mill country of Pennsylvania that started out with anything close to a sunny day.…

  • The Purge: If everything was just so…

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , , ,

    The Purge – 2013 Written & Directed by James DeMonaco Starring Ethan Hawke, Lena Headey, Max Burkholder, Adelaide Kane, Edwin Hodge, Rhys Wakefield, Tony Oller, Arija Bareikis Dystopian stories are often made with some political point in mind.  The author generally feels that we have valued something in society that not only could cause our destruction, but will be overlooked to the point of…

  • Mortal Instruments: City of Bones is what happens when Twilight succeeds

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    Mortal Instruments: City of Bones – 2013 Director Harald Zwart Starring Lily Collins, Jamie Campbell Bower, Robert Sheehan, Kevin Zegers, Lena Headey, Kevin Durand, Aidan Turner, Jemima West, Godfrey Gao, C. C. H. Pounder, Jared Harris, Jonathan Rhys Meyers Screenplay Jessica Postigo Paquette based on the book by Cassandra Clare When Griffin Mill mocked his fellow producers who wanted “eliminate the writer from the artistic process,” this can’t have been what…

  • Turbo is kind of slow on the uptake

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    Turbo – 2013 Director David Soren Starring (Voice) Ryan Reynolds, Paul Giamatti, Michael Peña, Snoop Dogg, Maya Rudolph, Michelle Rodriguez, Samuel L. Jackson, Bill Hader, Snoop Dogg, Luis Guzmán, Richard Jenkins, Ken Jeong, Michael Bell Screenplay David Soren, Robert Siegel, Darren Lemke Taking elements from one of the least artistically successful Pixar films (Cars) and one of the Pixar films most people forgot (Ratatouille) we have a…

  • After Earth: Slogans are stupid, Jaden is just okay

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    After Earth – 2013 Director M. Night Shyamalan Starring Will Smith, Jaden Smith, Sophie Okendo, Zoë Kravitz, Isabelle Fuhrman Screenplay by Shyamalan and Gary Whitta When I was a younger man, I coached basketball for grade school boys and girls.  I had a variety of assistant coaches.  The way I picked them was a bit unique, but it was…

  • The Bling Ring: Crime in the Google age.

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    The Bling Ring – 2013 Written & Directed by Sofia Coppola Starring Israel Broussard, Katie Chang, Taissa Farmiga, Claire Julien, Georgia Rock, Emma Watson, Leslie Mann The most striking thing about The Bling Ring is the ease with which the kids were able to move in and out of the lives of the rich and famous.  In a time when Hollywood reaction to…