Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews

Category: 1 Star

  • Trespass: Released in theaters, but feels like straight to video

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    Trespass – 2011 Directed by Joel Schumacher Starring Nicolas Cage, Nicole Kidman, Cam Giganet, Jordana Spiro, Ben Mendelsohn, Liana Liberato, Dash Mihok, Nico Tortorella, Emily Meade Screenplay by Eli Richbourg, Karl Gajdusek The most interesting fact about Trespass is not the teaming of Cage, Kidman and Schumacher.  This is not an artistic high point for any of…

  • Young Adult hammered home the point

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    Young Adult – 2011 Directed by Jason Reitman Starring Charlize Theron, Patton Oswalt, Patrick Wilson, Elizabeth Reaser, Collette Wolfe, Hattiene Park, J.K. Simmons Written by Diablo Cody For those who like their comedies dark and their young movie families in danger of being broken up, this one should do the trick.  The sad part about it is…

  • Setup: Finally, a rapper who can’t act

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    Setup – 2011 Directed by Mike Gunther Starring 50 Cent, Ryan Phillippe, Bruce Willis, Jenna Dewan, Brett Granstaff, Randy Couture, Will Yun Lee, James Remar, Susie Abromeit Written by Gunther and Mike Berman Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson seems like a nice guy.  And with Setup, a movie he helped to produce, one can tell that…

  • Abduction: Who stole John Singleton?

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    Abduction – 2011 Directed by John Singleton Starring Taylor Lautner, Sigourney Weaver, Lily Collins, Jason Isaacs, Alfred Molina, Maria Bello, Michael Nygvist Written by Shawn Christensen The story for many in this film had to do with Lautner and his prospects outside of the Twilight series.  In the grand scheme of things, we can call…

  • Love, Wedding, Marriage: I squished my fish…

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    Love, Wedding, Marriage – 2011 Directed by Dermot Mulroney Starring Mandy Moore, Kellan Lutz, Jane Seymour, James Brolin, Christopher Lloyd,  Michael Weston, Jessica Szohr Written by  Anouska Chydzik, Caprice Crane I would like to say James Brolin is an idiot.  It’s really not too much of a stretch to say the guy who said “Happy 9/11” in a seemingly…

  • Shark Night: Finally we get to see Katherine McPhee die

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    Shark Night – 2011 Directed by David R. Ellis Starring Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan, Chris Carmack, Katherine McPhee, Donal Logue, Joshua Leonard, Joel David Moore Written by Will Hayes, Jesse Studenberg Rule 415: If a movie was released in 3D, and Blockbuster didn’t bother to carry it on Blue Ray, it’s not a good sign.…

  • 30 Minutes or Less: Or Less.

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    30 Minutes or Less – 2011 Directed by Ruben Fleischer Starring Jesse Eisenberg, Dilshad Vadsaria, Danny McBride, Aziz Ansari, Nick Swardson, Michael Pena, Fred Ward Written by Michael Diliberti 30 Minutes or Less is a nihilistic, sadistic, pessimistic and hedonistic mess trying to pass itself off as a caper movie.  Parts of it work, but other parts make…

  • Priest by another name, is Doom

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    Priest – 2011 Directed by Scott Stewart Starring Paul Bettany, Cam Giganet, Karl Urban, Christopher Plummer, Maggie Q, Alan Dale, Brad Dourif, Stephen Moyer, Mädchen Amick, Lily Collins Written by Cory Goodman based on the comic series  Priest by Min-Woo Hyung Paul Bettany is wasted.  Maggie Q is wasted.  Karl Urban is wasted.  They make ill use of Christopher…

  • This Source Code is not as complicated or entertaining as it could be

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    Source Code – 2011 Directed by Duncan Jones Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Vera Farmiga, Jeffrey Wright, Michael Arden Written by Ben Ripley For all of its accolades and its (predominately international) box office success, one would think that Source Code was a better movie than it is.  Getting an aggregate 86% on Rotten Tomatoes…

  • You can throw Case 39 in the round file

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    Case 39 (*) Directed by Christian Alvart Starring Renée Zellweger, Bradley Cooper, Ian McShane, Jodell Ferland, Callum Keith Rennie, Kerry O’Malley Written by Ray Wright About 15 minutes into Case 39, social worker Emily Jenkins (Zellweger) and her friend, Det. Mike Barron (McShane), make a miraculous save of an innocent little girl (Ferland).  The persons who had…