Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews

Author: coolpapae

  • Spring Breakers: Artistic Debauchery

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    coolpapae
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    Spring Breakers – 2013 Writer and Director Harmony Korine Starring Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, James Franco, Ashley Benson, Rachel Korine, Gucci Mane, Heather Morris, Jeff Jarrett, Sidney and Thurman Sewell Camera shots that go on too long.  Bleached out images of smoking, drinking and breasts in the sun.  Careful editing so one doesn’t ruin the internet life…

  • The Host is a monotone response to sameness

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    The Host – 2013 Director Andrew Niccol Starring Saoirse Ronan, Jake Abel, Max Irons, Frances Fisher, Chandler Canterbury, Diane Kruger, William Hurt Screenplay by Niccol, based on the novel by Stephanie Meyer An invasion force of leech-type souls has taken over the world, and in the process they have extinguished most of the human race.  These leeches…

  • Dead Man Down: Since they rarely stand up…

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    Dead Man Down – 2013 Director Niels Arden Oplev Starring Colin Ferrell, Noomi Rapace, Terence Howard, Dominic Cooper, Isabelle Huppert, F. Murray Abraham, Armand Assante Written by J.H. Wyman A good movie with a stupid title is often impossible to overcome.  Dead Man Down is a multi-tiered revenge tale in which a mobster Alphonse Hoyt (Howard) feels the…

  • The Call: Hello? You there?

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    The Call – 2013 Director Brad Anderson Starring Halle Berry, Morris Chestnutt, Abigail Breslin, Michael Eklund, Michael Imperioli, David Otunga, José Zúñiga, Denise Dowse Screenplay Richard D’Ovidio Emergency call support has to be one of the least rewarding professions.  If everything goes right, you are usually disconnected by the time something good happens.  What you do get to hear is…

  • Bearing the weight of the Man of Steel

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    Man of Steel – 2013 Director Zack Snyder Starring Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Russell Crowe, Kevin Costner, Laurence Fishburne, Diane Lane, Christopher Meloni, Ayelet Zurer Screenplay David S. Goyer Well documented are the difficulties of making a movie about a man with no weaknesses.  As good a Superman as Christopher Reeve was, there was really…

  • Upside Down: Two worlds, many aching necks

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    Upside Down – 2012 Written and Directed by Juan Diego Solanas Starring Jim Sturgess, Kirsten Dunst, Timothy Spall, Jane Heitmayer, Blu Mankuma If you can get past the concept that two planets can be connected by one building without ripping apart that building as the planets rotate in the revolution around their own sun, you might like…

  • Cloud Atlas: And then a bunch of stuff happened…

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    Cloud Atlas – 2012 Writers and Directors Larry and Andy Wachowski, Tom Tykwer Starring Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Jim Broadbent, Hugo Weaving, Jim Sturgess, Doona Bae, Ben Whishaw, James D’Arcy, Zhou Xun, Keith David, David Gyasi, Susan Sarandon, Hugh Grant Based on Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell If there’s one thing I learned from the time tripping global opus known…

  • Identity Thief: I want my life back

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    Identity Thief – 2013 Director Seth Gordon Starring Jason Bateman, Melissa McCarthy, Jon Favreau, Amanda Peet, Génesis Rodríguez, T.I., Robert Patrick, John Cho, Morris Chestnut, Eric Stonestreet, Jonathan Banks Screenplay Craig Mazin This movie would not exist without a dedicated ignorance to common sense.  Financial accountant extraordinaire Sandy Patterson (Bateman) answers a phone call at random to his…

  • Quartet is a beautiful study of music becoming sweeter

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      Quartet – 2012 Director Dustin Hoffman Starring Maggie Smith, Tom Courtenay, Billy Connolly, Pauline Collins, Michael Gambon Screenplay Ronald Harwood There is a moment early on in Quartet when Wilf, who is played with a casual brilliance by Billy Connolly, comes upon a fellow boarder at Beecham house while on his morning walk.  The man…

  • The Last Exorcism Part II: When one “Last” is not enough

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    The Last Exorcism Part II – 2013 Director Ed Gass-Donnelly Starring Ashley Bell, Julia Garner, Spencer Treat Clark, Muse Watson, Louis Herthum, Tara Riggs Screenplay by Gass-Donnelly and Damien Chezelle It’s not supercilious, but it is a little silly.  It bares little resemblance to the first film, unless you count the lead actress (Bell) and occasional appearances by…