Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews

Category: Action

  • White House Down: Because White House Up is too heavy

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    White House Down – 2013 Director Roland Emmerich Starring Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jason Clarke, Richard Jenkins, James Woods, Joey King Screenplay James Vanderbilt Rule 604: Kids are convenient vehicles for jingoistic propaganda.  Make it look like they still believe. Rule 606: It also helps if the president looks at the capital scene with wide-eyed wonder. Rule 607: Throwing out snippets…

  • 2 Guns: Not enough bullets

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    2 Guns – 2013 Director Baltasar Kormákur Starring Denzel Washington, Mark Wahlberg, Paula Patton, Bill Paxton, Fred Ward, James Marsden, Edward James Olmos, Robert John Burke Screenplay Blake Masters based on the book by Steven Grant There is a lot of star power in this film.  Personality just jumps off the screen at every turn.  We have Wahlberg somewhere between the knowing novice of his early…

  • The Hangover Part III and Kick-Ass 2: Delightful if not so funny

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    The Hangover Part III – 2013 Director Todd Phillips Starring Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Ken Jeong, Heather Graham, Jeffrey Tambor, Justin Bartha, Jamie Chung, John Goodman Screenplay Todd Phillips, Craig Mazin Kick-Ass 2 – 2013 Writer and Director Jeff Wadlow Starring Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Chloë Grace Moretz, Jim Carrey, Clark Duke, Olga Kurkulina, Lindy Booth, John Leguizamo, Morris Chestnut, Donald Faison Two notable comedies had sequels in the summer of 2013, and both…

  • Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters: Harmless Bite

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    Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters – 2013 Director Thor Freudenthal Starring Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, Douglas Smith, Leven Rambin, Jake Abel, Stanley Tucci, Nathan Fillion Screenplay Marc Guggenheim based on the book by Rick Riordan Logan Lerman was around 15 when he made the first Percy Jackson movie.  By the time he made this one, he was a fully developed 20-year-old and had considerably…

  • Ender’s Game: Show Don’t Tell

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    Ender’s Game – 2013 Director Gavin Hood Starring Asa Butterfield, Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley, Viola Davis, Hailee Steinfeld, Abigail Breslin Screenplay Gavin Hood based on the book Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card One cannot underestimate how badly I wanted for this venture to succeed.  After the heaping of vitriol the producers of the film withstood from those who felt that the book should be punished for…

  • CPE, Em & El: Thor: The Dark World: More Loki, anyone?

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    Thor: The Dark World – 2013 Director Alan Taylor Starring Tom Hiddleston, Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgård, Idris Elba, Christopher Eccleston, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Kat Dennings, Ray Stevenson, Zachary Levi, Tadanobu Asano, Jaimie Alexander, Rene Russo Screenplay Christopher Yost, Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely It’s no surprise that Loki is one of the first characters that you see after the prologue of Thor: The Dark World.  It’s a short…

  • The Lone Ranger: Waiting for Depp to fail.

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    The Lone Ranger – 2013 Director Gore Verbinski Starring Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, William Fichtner, Tom Wilkinson, Barry Pepper, James Badge Dale, Helena Bonham Carter Screenplay Justin Haythe, Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio The Lone Ranger was pretty much announced DOA when it was released in July 2013.  Why is pretty much tea leaf readings based on production difficulties, a general distaste for Jerry Bruckheimer and…

  • R.I.P.D.: Because there has to be one actor that can’t succeed.

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    R.I.P.D. – 2013 Director Robert Schwentke Starring Jeff Bridges, Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Bacon, Mary-Louise Parker, Stephanie Szostak Screenplay Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi based on R.I.P.D. comic by Peter M. Lenkov Could it be that Ryan Reynolds has no friends in Hollywood?  Well, I don’t know about that.  I have n0 friends in Hollywood, either.  Except for maybe Tom Bergeron, who sat next to my…

  • Fast & Furious 6: High Tech Lemonade

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    Fast & Furious 6 – 2013 Director Justin Lin Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson,Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris Bridges, Sung Kang, Luke Evans, Gina Carano, John Ortiz Screenplay Chris Morgan Into the void of PG-13 summer action sprang forth the 6th film in the Fast & Furious franchise.  There is a point to all of this speed and fury, I am sure of…

  • Pacific Rim: Where do you want to die?

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    Pacific Rim – 2013 Director Guillermo Del Toro Starring Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day, Robert Kazinsky, Max Martini, Ron Perlman Screenplay Del Toro and Travis Beacham Once Guillermo Del Toro decided to forego The Hobbit series of movies, the concept kind of lost steam for me.  After I saw the first film, it was apparent why.  Jackson was creative in…