Category: 1 Star
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Leatherface (*) is a product of diminishing returns…
It takes place mostly in the dark, as if they’re trying to hide that their slashed budget required they film in Bulgaria. I am not sure it would have helped to shed any light on it though. To say this series has gone far enough is pointless. They can keep going around in circles in…
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Golden Sombrero: To Live And Die In L.A. (*) is just awful
To Live and Die in L.A. – 1985 Director William Friedkin Screenplay Friedkin & Gerald Petievich based on the novel by Petievich Starring Willem Dafoe, William L. Peterson, John Pankow, Debra Feuer, John Turturro, Darlanne Fluegel, Dean Stockwell, Jane Leeves, Jimmy Hart “You ain’t my partner. You ain’t even my fuckin’ friend!” If they took every horrible thing about 80’s…
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The Great Wall (*) can’t keep out the smell
This is a movie that should be forgotten, for the benefit of everyone involved.
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Nocturnal Animals (*) is weak
Ford has no talent that I can see for the art of movie making. Most of his shots come across like those awkward photos of kids in the 70’s when you get the front view and a soft side view in one shot. It’s supposed to be poignant and deep. It only produces awkward chuckles.
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The Shallows (**1/2) doesn’t wade too far
The Shallows – 2016 Director Jaume Collet-Serra Screenplay Anthony Jaswinski Starring Blake Lively One would think Blake Lively in a movie called The Shallows is an asshole reviewers’ dream match. In truth, we can’t make this movie into more than it is: a scary movie with a shark. There is no way a shark that big could be…
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Creep (*): Can you believe we made a profit on this one?
So Duplass and Brice made enough here to put a little more money into the next project. That project maybe makes enough to pay for the next project. Maybe someday they strike gold. Maybe someday they make something more scary. Maybe someday they make something more memorable. Not this day.
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Keep me from The Gallows (*) pole
It’s an irony that in the era of digital filmmaking we have fallen into a dearth of films all of the same genre. Everyone carries a camera in Horror these days, and the effect is many bad camera angels, lots of disconnected noise and no one has a SAG card. It’s enough to make one…
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The Lazarus Effect (*) is deadening
The Lazarus Effect – 2015 Director David Gelb Starring Mark Duplass, Olivia Wilde, Donald Glover, Evan Peters, Sarah Bolger Screenplay Luke Dawson, Jeremy Slater The Lazarus Effect is an amazing accomplishment. It’s a miracle that a film that is this bad could get even a relatively small budget of 3.3 million, and then somehow translate that investment into over 10 times that…
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The November Man (*): Is about as smooth as a Movember Man
November Man – 2014 Director Roger Donaldson Starring Pierce Brosnan, Luke Bracey, Olga Kurylenko, Eliza Taylor, Caterina Scorsone, Bill Smitrovich, Will Patton Screenplay by Michael Finch and Karl Gajdusek based on the Bill Granger book, There Are No Spies About 30 minutes into The November Man, Pierce Brosnan’s Devereaux, fresh off of saving Kurylenko’s Alice from certain death, informs her in the most defeated…
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Machete Kills (*): Garbage in…garbage out
Machete Kills – 2013 Director Robert Rodriguez Starring Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Sofía Vergara, Amber Heard, Antonio Banderas, Lady Gaga, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Walt Goggins, William Sadler, Demián Bichir, Mel Gibson Screenplay Kyle Ward “I have high hopes for you, Mr. Machete. Higher than you can mentally ascend to.” Ah, Machete. Ah, humanity. The first thing we see in Machete Kills is a trailer indicating that…
Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews 