Fast & Furious discovers their presents: Hobbs & Shaw (***1/2)
If you miss the buddy movies of the 80’s and 90’s, wait no more. The trope is back and it’s winning again.
Skyscraper (***) lacks nuance, but not acting energy
Skyscraper – 2018 Written and Directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber Starring Dwayne Johnson, Neve Campbell, Chin Han, Roland Møller, Noah Taylor, Byron Mann, Pablo Schreiber, Hannah Quinlivan Rawson Marshall Thurber has maybe two half decent films on his resume. […]
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (***) is late on purpose
Even if I never watch it again, this wasn’t a waste of my time. It’s not enough to make me see the next one in theaters, but it’s definitely not the overwrought mess we saw the first time.
Rampage (***1/2) shouldn’t be this good
#rampage “Can you do without this film? Surely. In the age of Moviepass, why should you? It’s really a fun waste of time with effects that make it worth your time, up until they start blowing stuff up and tearing it down. If you’re not worn out by the senseless and consequence-less destruction of major metropolitan areas, and you like Johnson, give this a shot. You definitely could do worse.”
The Fate of the Furious (***): Don’t think. It’s Meat
Don’t think. It will all be better that way.
Moana (****1/2) continues to change the game for Princesses
There is a recipe out there somewhere to make a valiant woman’s story without sacrificing her male counterpart. They almost made it here, but the “let me clean up your mess” feeling of the story doesn’t quite make it. Still, it’s message is good enough to accompany it’s remarkable visuals. I am going to assume no one will need to say “she persisted” someday. They will just say the protagonist persisted.
Central Intelligence (**1/2): A measure of the Rock’s comedic flexing ability
Let’s be serious though. This isn’t mensa material. It’s a big dumb action comedy. There is nothing here as funny as Thurber’s Terry Tate, Office Linebacker and thank goodness there is nothing nearly as bad as We’re The Millers. It might get a few sequels, and that’s fine. I’m pretty sure I won’t remember one joke in 5 years, but I will smile when I think about it, just the same.
Furious 7 (***1/2): Meatball Hallmark Card
Furious 7 – 2015 Director James Wan Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris Bridges, Kurt Russell, Jason Statham Screenplay Chris Morgan If one could sum up the entire Furious franchise in 3 phrases, it would be: I don’t have friends. I got family. I live life a quarter-mile at a time. One last ride. At this point, the gang is on their […]
Fast & Furious 6: High Tech Lemonade
Fast & Furious 6 – 2013 Director Justin Lin Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson,Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris Bridges, Sung Kang, Luke Evans, Gina Carano, John Ortiz Screenplay Chris Morgan Into the void of PG-13 summer action sprang forth the 6th film in the Fast & Furious franchise. There is a point to all of this speed and fury, I am sure of it. To date, the most […]
Pain & Gain: Meat
Pain & Gain – 2013 Director Michael Bay Starring Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub, Ed Harris Screenplay Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely based on the book by Pete Collins Let’s not get down to […]
G.I. Joe: Retaliation: Caricatures will die…
G.I. Joe: Retaliation – 2013 Director John M. Chu Starring Dwayne Johnson, Bruce Willis, D.J. Cotrona, Byung-hun Lee, Adrianne Palicki, Ray Park, Jonathan Pryce, Ray Stevenson, Channing Tatum, Luke Bracey, Walton Goggins, Joseph Mazzello, Robert Baker, James Carville, RZA […]
Snitch: Big Truck…small payload.
Snitch – 2013 Director Ric Roman Waugh Starring Dwayne Johnson, Barry Pepper, Susan Sarandon, Benhamin Bratt, Jon Bernthal, Michael Kenneth Williams Written by Justin Haythe and Waugh So why would any fan of […]
Journey 2: The Mysterious Island; There will be a third.
Journey 2: The Mysterious Island – 2012 Director Brad Peyton Starring Josh Hutcherson, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Michael Caine, Vanessa Hudgens, Luis Guzman Screenplay by Brian and Mark Gunn Luis Guzman has been […]
Fast Five. Duh.
Fast Five – 2011 Directed by Justin Lin Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, Ludacris, Tyrese Gibson, Dwayne Johnson, Gal Gadot, Joaquim de Almeida, Matt Schulze, Sung Kang Written […]
Faster: In which The Rock is really pissed at a minimal rate of speed.
Faster – 2010 Directed by George Tillman, Jr. Starring Dwayne Johnson, Billy Bob Thorton, Carla Gugino, Tom Berenger, Moon Bloodgood, Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Maggie Grace, Mike Epps Written by Joe and […]
Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews 