Category: 1.5 Stars
-
-
The Pyramid (*1/2) Kill the light
The Pyramid – 2014 Director Grégory Levasseur Starring Ashley Hinshaw, Denis O’Hare, James Buckley, Daniel Amerman, Christa Nicola Screenplay Daniel Meersand, Nick Simon I think it’s the part where one guy holds the head of a girl who has been impaled and asks her “Is that better?” This is the moment of truth. Another 89 minutes down the drain. The very next…
-
Vampire Academy Action, Exposition, Action, Exposition vomit.
Vampire Academy – 2014 Director Mark Waters Starring Zoey Deutch, Lucy Fry, Danila Kozlovsky, Gabriel Byrne, Dominic Sherwood, Joely Richardson, Olga Kurylenko, Sarah Hyland Screenplay by Daniel Waters based on the book by Richelle Mead There is a moment in the hyper-kinetic story Vampire Academy when, in the midst of some crucial exposition between the two protagonists, a crow flies…
-
I, Frankenstein is not the dumbest movie of all time
I, Frankenstein – 2014 Director Stuart Beattie Starring Aaron Eckhart, Bill Nighy, Yvonne Strahovski, Miranda Otto, Socratis Otto, Jai Courtney, Kevin Grevioux Screenplay Kevin Grevioux, Stuart Beattie Aaron Eckhart is a man capable of good acting. His performance in Erin Brockovich, In The Company of Men, Thank You for Smoking and The Dark Knight stand out with the best films in any career. He’s rarely been…
-
R.I.P.D.: Because there has to be one actor that can’t succeed.
R.I.P.D. – 2013 Director Robert Schwentke Starring Jeff Bridges, Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Bacon, Mary-Louise Parker, Stephanie Szostak Screenplay Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi based on R.I.P.D. comic by Peter M. Lenkov Could it be that Ryan Reynolds has no friends in Hollywood? Well, I don’t know about that. I have n0 friends in Hollywood, either. Except for maybe Tom Bergeron, who sat next to my…
-
Movie 43: Do you like this collection of skits?
Movie 43 – 2013 Directors Steven Brill, Peter Farrelly, Will Graham, Steve Carr, Griffin Dunne, James Duffy, Jonathan van Tulleken, Elizabeth Banks, Patrik Forsberg, Brett Ratner, Rusty Cundieff, James Gunn, Bob Odenkirk Starring Elizabeth Banks, Kristen Bell, Halle Berry, Leslie Bibb, Kate Bosworth, Gerard Butler, Adam Cagely, Common, Kieran Culkin, Josh Duhamel, Devin Eash, Anna Faris, Richard…
-
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters – Finally, a fairy tale that’s rated “R”
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters – 2013 Writer and Director Tommy Wirkola Starring Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen, Peter Stromare, Pihla Viitala, Derek Mears, Robin Atkin Downes, Thomas Mann Hansel and Gretel as children look to be less than a year apart. When we see them as adults, in the forms of Gemma Arterton (27) and…
-
Cool Papa E’s Star Trek Movie Chronological Timeline Reviews
Star Trek: The Motion Picture – 1979 Director – Robert Wise Screenplay – Harold Livingston based on the story by Alan Dean Foster Starring – William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, Stephen Collins, Persis Khambatta, George Takei, Walter Koenig, Nichelle Nichols, James Doohan Okuda Timeline – 2271 Synopsis – The Enterprise is drafted back into action mid-upgrade to intercept a strange life form…
-
Atlas Shrugged II: Nothing is everything, is the same
Atlas Shrugged Part II – 2012 Director John Putch Starring Samantha Mathis, Esai Morales, Jason Beghe, Patrick Fabian, Kim Rhodes, Richard T. Jones, D.B. Sweeney, Robert Picardo, Ray Wise, Diedrich Bader, Arye Gross, Thomas F. Wilson, Paul McCrane, Rex Linn, Teller, Michael Gross, Bug Hall Screenplay by Duke Sandefur, Brian Patrick O’Toole, Duncan Scott based on the novel by Ayn Rand “I don’t…
-
Peace, Love and Misunderstanding: Peace, Love, Dope!
Peace, Love and Misunderstanding – 2012 Director Bruce Beresford Starring Catherine Keener, Jane Fonda, Elizabeth Olsen, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Chace Crawford, Nat Wolf, Kyle MacLachlan Screenplay by Christina Mengert, Joseph Muszynski I’ve never been a fan of Jane Fonda, but then, she’s never been this bad. I can’t speak with total authority, though. A few years ago, when she made…
Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews 