Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews

Author: coolpapae

  • Dark Skies could be more surprising

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    Dark Skies – 2013 Written and Directed by Scott Stewart Starring Keri Russell, Josh Hamilton, Dakota Goyo, Kadan Rockett, J.K. Simmons, Brian Stepanek, L.J. Benet, Annie Thurman Every aspect of Dark Skies leads to one conclusion.  It is a shame, too, because the journey towards this conclusion is faithfully executed and is quite earnest in its work.…

  • Star Trek Into Darkness: Going where they’ve gone before

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    Star Trek Into Darkness – 2013 Director J.J. Abrams Starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, Zoe Saldana, Benedict Cumberbatch, Simon Pegg, John Cho, Anton Yelchin, Bruce Greenwood, Alice Eve, Peter Weller, Noel Clarke, Nazneen Contractor Screenplay by Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman and Damon Lindelof One of my favorite aspects to the Star Trek reboot (my very first…

  • CPE & Em: Iron Man 3 grows into Downey, Jr.

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , , ,

    Iron Man 3 – 2013 Director Shane Black Starring Robert Downey, Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Jon Favreau, Rebecca Hall, Guy Pearce, Ben Kingsley, James Badge Dale, Stephanie Szostak Screenplay by Black and Drew Pearce “Don’t shoot! Seriously, I don’t even like working here. They are so weird!” Shane Black is the most original screenwriting voices to emerge,…

  • CPE, Em & El: Not quite an Epic, but it’ll do

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , , , ,

    Epic – 2013 Director Chris Wedge Starring Amanda Seyfried, Josh Hutcherson, Colin Farrell, Beyoncé Knowles, Christoph Walz, Aziz Ansari, Chris O’Dowd, Pitbull, Jason Sudeikis, Steven Tyler Written by William Joyce based on his book The Leaf Men and the Brave Good Bugs In the end, I really expected nothing from this film, so I did not leave disappointed.  Epic…

  • Gangster Squad: Which way is Zombieland?

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    Gangster Squad – 2013 Director Ruben Fleischer Starring Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Nick Nolte, Sean Penn, Giovanni Ribisi, Anthony Mackie, Robert Patrick, Michael Peña , Merielle Enos Screenplay Will Beall from Tales from Gangster Squad by Paul Lieberman Gangster Squad is not nearly as bad as has been reported.  It’s nowhere near as good as it could have been.  It’s…

  • Parker, like Statham, is precisely blunt

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    Parker -2013 Directed by Taylor Hackford Starring Jason Statham, Jennifer Lopez, Nick Nolte, Michael Chiklis, Wendell Pierce, Clifton Collins Jr., Bobby Cannavelle, Patti LuPone, Carlos Carrasco, Emma Booth Screenplay by John J. McLaughlin based on Flashpoint by Donald E. Westlake Someone’s always done Parker wrong.  As many of the different iterations of the Donald Westlake character as there have been, whether Lee…

  • Promised Land plays scientist, judge, jury, etc…

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    Promised Land – 2012 Director Gus Van Sant Starring Matt Damon, John Krasinski, Frances McDormand, Rosemarie DeWitt, Scoot McNairy, Titus Welliver, Terry Kinney, Hal Holbrook Written by Damon, Krasinski, Chris Moore Promised Land is perhaps the laziest script I have seen make it to the big screen.  It takes a debatable subject, bends one side, to make it…

  • The Last Stand: Clean the chunk of beef off your hat

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    The Last Stand – 2013 Director Kim Jee-Woon Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Johnny Knoxville, Luis Guzmán, Forest Whitaker, Rodrigo Santoro, Jaimie Alexander, Eduardo Noriega, Peter Stormare, Zach Gilford, Génesis Rodríguez, Harry Dean Stanton Screenplay Andrew Knauer Arnold’s first starring role since he was governor of California s the kind of film that would have  een a modest hit around the time…

  • The Office: Episode 185 – Finale

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in ,

    Written by – Greg Daniels Directed by – Ken Kwapis A brief synopsis – Dwight and Angela get married.  Everyone gets to do everything they ever wanted to do on a show.  Oh, and there are about 2000 guest stars. The best line – Dwight: Michael, I can’t believe you came.  Michael: That’s what she said. Second best line – Pete:…

  • Texas Chainsaw: I’ll settle for a stick of that jerky

    —

    by

    coolpapae
    in , ,

    Texas Chainsaw – 2013 Director John Luessenhop Starring Alexandra Daddario, Dan Yeager, Tremaine Neverson, Tania Raymonde, Thom Barry, Paul Rae, Scott Eastwood, Bill Mosley, Gunnar Hansen, Marylin Burns, Richard Riehle Screenplay Kristen Elms, Adam Marcus, Debra Sullivan Texas Chainsaw is the kind of movie that exists outside of time.  It tries to make some sort of sense by ignoring…