Category: Movie Reviews
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John Dies At The End: What in the Name of Elvis is going on?
John Dies At The End – 2013 Writer and Director Don Coscarelli Starring Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes, Paul Giamatti, Clancy Brown, Doug Jones, Glynn Turman, Daniel Roebuck, Angus Scrimm, Jimmy Wong One reaches a point where everything is a metaphor, and nothing is real. Coscarelli reaches this point in the opening moments of John Dies at the…
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Safe Haven: This is turning into a routine…
Safe Haven – 2013 Director Lasse Hallström Starring Julianne Hough, Josh Duhamel, David Lyons, Cobie Smulders, Red West Screenplay Gage Lansky, Dana Stevens, based on the book by Nicholas Sparks Lasse Hallström is a director with a past appealing to the ladies. Starting off doing a bunch of ABBA videos and then ABBA: The Movie, he has had…
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Snitch: Big Truck…small payload.
Snitch – 2013 Director Ric Roman Waugh Starring Dwayne Johnson, Barry Pepper, Susan Sarandon, Benhamin Bratt, Jon Bernthal, Michael Kenneth Williams Written by Justin Haythe and Waugh So why would any fan of Dwayne Johnson want to see this film? There are no guns. There are no fast cars. There are no explosions. We don’t get to see…
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Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters – Finally, a fairy tale that’s rated “R”
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters – 2013 Writer and Director Tommy Wirkola Starring Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen, Peter Stromare, Pihla Viitala, Derek Mears, Robin Atkin Downes, Thomas Mann Hansel and Gretel as children look to be less than a year apart. When we see them as adults, in the forms of Gemma Arterton (27) and…
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Cool Papa E and Grouchnapper: That’s My Boy: A half-engaging piece of crap
That’s My Boy – 2013 Directed by Sean Anders Starring Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Leighton Meester, Susan Sarandon, Ciara, Luenell, Vanilla Ice, Milo Ventimiglia, Eva Amurri Martino, Nick Swardson Written by David Caspe The following is about the worst review I could imagine ever posting. It’s beneath the dignity of anyone who might ever want to read about…
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Mama chills despite familiar turns
Mama – 2013 Directed by Andy Muschietti Starring Jessica Chastain, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Megan Carpentier, Isabelle Nélisse, Daniel Kash Screenplay by Muschietti, Bárbara Muschietti and Neil Cross There is a point in most films where the viewer recognizes the patterns they are seeing in the story they are watching are familiar and well-worn. This happens early on in Mama. The difference,…
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Warm Bodies is a simple tale of hope for the Walking Dead
Warm Bodies – 2013 Writer and Director Jonathan Levine Starring Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, Rob Corddry, Dave Franco, Analeigh Tipton, Cory Hardrict, John Malkovich Based on the book by Isaac Marion This is a movie that accomplishes everything it wants to, within the limits of its scope. It isn’t out to be scary. It is not intended…
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Dark Skies could be more surprising
Dark Skies – 2013 Written and Directed by Scott Stewart Starring Keri Russell, Josh Hamilton, Dakota Goyo, Kadan Rockett, J.K. Simmons, Brian Stepanek, L.J. Benet, Annie Thurman Every aspect of Dark Skies leads to one conclusion. It is a shame, too, because the journey towards this conclusion is faithfully executed and is quite earnest in its work.…
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Star Trek Into Darkness: Going where they’ve gone before
Star Trek Into Darkness – 2013 Director J.J. Abrams Starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, Zoe Saldana, Benedict Cumberbatch, Simon Pegg, John Cho, Anton Yelchin, Bruce Greenwood, Alice Eve, Peter Weller, Noel Clarke, Nazneen Contractor Screenplay by Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman and Damon Lindelof One of my favorite aspects to the Star Trek reboot (my very first…
Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews 