Category: 1.5 Stars
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9 by Stephen King
This article reviews nine adaptations of Stephen King’s stories made into films during the 80s and 90s. While some films received criticism for their lack of depth and coherence, others displayed moments of effectiveness. Overall, the adaptations reflect the inconsistent quality of King’s prolific output and the filmmaking landscape of that era.
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Shazam! Fury of the Gods (*1/2) is a last gasp
If there’s nothing else – and here there really isn’t – the film is worth viewing just for Levi alone.
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V/H/S/99 (*1/2): It’s not scary if it lacks imagination
If one finds any of these segments more scary than annoying, they’ve got a lot of patience and not much in the way of expectations when it comes to story telling. It’s not easy to envision the future of film making in this crowd.
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Shark Bait (*1/2) Ooh Ha Ha
If you ever wanted to see a more scenic and less intelligent version of Jaws, here ya go.
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The Amityville Horror theatrical films reviewed
Is this series worthwhile or is it just one big Golden Sombrero?
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Mayem (*1/2) and now for something not so different
…this film makes its fellow office massacre film The Belko Experiment look like Shakespeare.
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Resident Evil – Welcome to Racoon City (*1/2) Here’s blood in your eye
This film is appreciable for it’s dedication for recreating the original stories. The problem is, the story is better when you are playing a video game at 3 a.m. all hopped up on Mountain Dew.
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Halloween Kills (*1/2) Aimless Love
The first thing one knows when going into the movie Halloween Kills is that, contrary to what Laurie Strode insists, there is a pretty sure bet that evil doesn’t die tonight.
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Phoning it Long Distance: Bruce Willis’ VOD / Redbox Era
The older he gets, the more it feels like he gave up trying long ago. If this slate of films is considered art of any kind, then I don’t know crap about film. I only know these films qualify as crap.
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Separation (*1/2) In search of anxiety
You can skip this and just assume you will know the real killer in the first 5 minutes.
Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews 