Ebert Did It Better: Gasbag Reviews

Category: Ratings

  • Jack the Giant Slayer another fairy tale with automatic weapons

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    Jack The Giant Slayer – 2013 Directed by Bryan Singer Starring Nicholas Hoult, Ewan McGregor, Eleanor Thompson, Stanley Tucci, Ian McShane, Bill Nighy, John Kassir, Ewan Bremner, Ralph Brown Written by Darren Lemke, Christopher McQuarrie, Dan Studney Why is Bryan Singer directing a movie about a fairy tale?  Really.  The Usual Suspects. X-Men.  Valkyrie.  Now, a fairy tale.…

  • Stoker: People disappear all the time

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    Stoker – 2013 Director Park Chan-Wook Starring Mia Wasikowska, Matthew Goode, Nicole Kidman, Dermot Mulroney, Jacki Weaver, Lucas Till, Alden Ehrenreich, Phyllis Somerville, Ralph Brown, Judith Godrèche Written by Wentworth Miller This is Mia Wasikowska.  She is beautiful, innocent, haunted, playful.  She is hiding in plain sight.  When one thinks they have her character is the moment they could not be…

  • Evil Dead remake is better than the original

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    Evil Dead – 2013 Director Fede Alvarez Starring Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Jucas, Elizabeth Blackmore Screenplay Alvarez, Rodo Sayagues, Diablo Cody Who ever comes up with the idea of going to a cabin in the woods for entertainment?  If everything goes well…you end up bored and surrounded by trees.  In the remake of…

  • 21 & Over is good crass comedy

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    21 & Over – 2013 Writers & Directors Jon Lucas, Scott Moore Starring Justin Chon, Miles Teller, Skylar Astin, Sarah Wright, Francois Chau, Samantha Futerman How many times has this movie been made?  Twice, maybe three times a year.  Young, seemingly responsible kid (Justin Chon) out with friends for one more night of wild debauched fun…

  • Spring Breakers: Artistic Debauchery

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    Spring Breakers – 2013 Writer and Director Harmony Korine Starring Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, James Franco, Ashley Benson, Rachel Korine, Gucci Mane, Heather Morris, Jeff Jarrett, Sidney and Thurman Sewell Camera shots that go on too long.  Bleached out images of smoking, drinking and breasts in the sun.  Careful editing so one doesn’t ruin the internet life…

  • The Host is a monotone response to sameness

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    The Host – 2013 Director Andrew Niccol Starring Saoirse Ronan, Jake Abel, Max Irons, Frances Fisher, Chandler Canterbury, Diane Kruger, William Hurt Screenplay by Niccol, based on the novel by Stephanie Meyer An invasion force of leech-type souls has taken over the world, and in the process they have extinguished most of the human race.  These leeches…

  • Dead Man Down: Since they rarely stand up…

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    Dead Man Down – 2013 Director Niels Arden Oplev Starring Colin Ferrell, Noomi Rapace, Terence Howard, Dominic Cooper, Isabelle Huppert, F. Murray Abraham, Armand Assante Written by J.H. Wyman A good movie with a stupid title is often impossible to overcome.  Dead Man Down is a multi-tiered revenge tale in which a mobster Alphonse Hoyt (Howard) feels the…

  • The Call: Hello? You there?

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    The Call – 2013 Director Brad Anderson Starring Halle Berry, Morris Chestnutt, Abigail Breslin, Michael Eklund, Michael Imperioli, David Otunga, José Zúñiga, Denise Dowse Screenplay Richard D’Ovidio Emergency call support has to be one of the least rewarding professions.  If everything goes right, you are usually disconnected by the time something good happens.  What you do get to hear is…

  • Bearing the weight of the Man of Steel

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    Man of Steel – 2013 Director Zack Snyder Starring Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Russell Crowe, Kevin Costner, Laurence Fishburne, Diane Lane, Christopher Meloni, Ayelet Zurer Screenplay David S. Goyer Well documented are the difficulties of making a movie about a man with no weaknesses.  As good a Superman as Christopher Reeve was, there was really…

  • Upside Down: Two worlds, many aching necks

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    Upside Down – 2012 Written and Directed by Juan Diego Solanas Starring Jim Sturgess, Kirsten Dunst, Timothy Spall, Jane Heitmayer, Blu Mankuma If you can get past the concept that two planets can be connected by one building without ripping apart that building as the planets rotate in the revolution around their own sun, you might like…